A Conversation with Comic Sans
Alyssa: Where do we begin? Stop following me. You need to move on. For your sake.
Comic Sans: Move on? I was there for you when you had to write your first essay on butterflies in the first grade, and–
A: That was a while ago.
CS: You chose me, I do recall.
A: I’ve outgrown you.
CS: I cannot accept that response. I was made for you.
A: You were made for who I was then. I’m at a different place in my life right now.
CS: That wasn’t true when you reached out to me for your poetry scrapbook in middle school. As soon as you opened Microsoft Word, I was the most important decision you ever made.
A: The teacher said to be creative, and use any font. What was I supposed to choose, Curlz MT?
CS: How dare you compare me to Curlz!
A: At least Curlz knew when to leave.
CS: I haven’t left because I’m. not. done. yet. I’m not boring!
A: I mean, Curlz wasn’t either. And you certainly don’t have a problem with being boring, trust me.
CS: They didn’t use Curlz for Doge meme, did they? No. They chose ME! I transcend time. I’m iconic. I’m a little weird, but everyone likes me. And I mean everyone… Some people just aren’t aware of it.
A: I have to admit; you’ve got a good point there. Are you saying people love nostalgia, ergo, people love you?
CS: I’m saying I’ll always be an important part of history, a cultural reference point, and that you can’t just leave me behind.
A: That’s true. I sense some resentment on your part.
CS: People like you think that you can just come running back to me when you need to feel akin to the past.
A: I get it, Comic. You don’t feel relevant, unless it’s related to some sort of throwback to the early 2000s.
CS: I suppose that’s true…
A: You're like the popular kid in high school who graduated and didn’t know what to do with yourself.
CS: I guess I am going through some sort of identity crisis.
A: It’s not your fault. You were quick and easy to love then. You don’t need to please everyone anymore. You just need to find that one person who will give you another shot, make you feel new again.
CS: Will you be that person?
A: I don’t think so… But you should check in with some sort of graphic designer doing work for a dental office that’s trying to be cool and less Big Caslon-y (in small caps).